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Last week my hubby and I went on an overnight trip to a local casino for his birthday.  When we got home, on Friday, I found my 15-year-old male Chihuahua Speedy lying in his favorite spot and he had passed. He took his trip over the Rainbow Bridge as they say. He was an old dog, had always been very thin, but seemed to be in good health. We knew any dog at that age it was inevitable that time was running short, but it was a shock. Now almost a week later I still look for him. He used to sleep right up next to me at night and now I wake up wondering where he is and then it hits me, he’s gone. Unless you have had an animal you truly loved, I don’t think a person can understand how bad it hurts. Some people look at dogs or other animals as something that is in this world but couldn’t really care less what happens to them. You have those people who can’t understand why people love their pets so or how they can say that they love the pets more than people. I guess it is weird that you could love a furry friend more than a human, but it is true. A dog loves you no matter what. They love you when you are hurting. They love you no matter how you treat them, but if you love them, they will more than reciprocate that feeling. How can you not have love for a pet that has sat in your lap or slept with you for years? A pet acts excited to see you whether you have just been in the other room or gone for a week, they still can’t wait to jump in your lap and say hello. This little animal can tell when your sad or happy and they act accordingly. Unless you have loved a pet, you just don’t understand.

I was going to write my farewell to Speedy last week right after it happened, but I just couldn’t bring myself to it. Speedy was born to our female Lady who passed two years ago to cancer. I was there when he was born. I made sure she was able to take care of him and then we watched him grow into an adult. At the time, we were raising and selling puppies and he was my stud, which is how he got the name Speedy. When he was a puppy it was because he was fast, but as an adult, he knew when the girls were in heat before I did. For some reason, though, he was always a thin dog. I told him he sure didn’t belong in our family because none of us were thin, but any vet I took him to told us it was just his metabolism. Even after his stud days were gone the weight never did come, but he was a happy dog. He was an affection hog and would knock the other dogs out of his way to make sure he got our attention.

Now we only have one of our original Chihuahuas left and that is “zombie dog” Sassy. She will be 13 this year, is blind and toothless, so we will just continue to love on her until her day comes. Who knows, she could live to be 16, you just never know.

For those of you who have lost your furry friend, I can feel your pain. We can take solace in know that they have crossed the Rainbow Bridge and are now playing with their friends that went before them over fields of grass and pools of water, living out their lives with no pain. All I can hope is when the day comes for me to go home that they will be there waiting for me… R.I.P. little buddy Speedy… Until next time…


I found out last week you are now part of this world.  You were born almost two months ago, but through my detective work I found you, even though it was only online.  I wish things were different and I could have been there when you were born.  I could have held your little hand.  You spent several days in the hospital as you wanted to come into this world a bit too early, but now you are happy, healthy and home.  I do know your name, but not much else.  Due to circumstances I have no control over I may never meet you.  This truly hurts my heart, as you are part of me, my blood, my grandchild.  I know I have made many mistakes in this life, some I knew were wrong when I did them, but for the most part I just tried to give my children the best life I could in circumstances that were difficult, and some times just impossible, but I gave all of them my love, my wisdom, and hoped they would be able to go on in this world productive citizens, which they all have.  I guess for one of my children that wasn’t enough and now the communication has been completely shut down and here I sit wondering if I will ever be in your life little one.  If we are never able to meet in person I just wanted to impart some words to you and hope you find out one day that I do love you, even though I may never be allowed to tell you in person.  You really are a lucky little one.  You have two loving parents, who not only love you but each other.  They are very happy together and will show you all the love they can.  I am sure you are not going to want for anything and even if hard times come, I know you have another set of grandparents who are allowed in your life that will give you all the love you could ever need or want.  I hope you inherited my creativity and musical ability and your grandfather’s math and logical ability plus some common sense.  Maybe one day when you are old enough you can come find me, as I will probably be right where I have been the last nine years, in a house that your dad used to live in, so I can tell you in person all the things I wish I could have told you before.  There are so many things in this life I will never understand and this is one of them.  I guess one day when my time comes I will find the answers in Heaven as to what happened and why things turned out this way.  Just know little one that I am here whenever you need me.  I do love you even though I have never met you, as you are part of my family in spirit if not in person.  May your future be bright and you are able to follow your dreams, become whatever it is you want to be, and know that I am behind you in whatever decisions you make.  I may never be there in person, but I will be there in spirit cheering you on in this life.  I wish things were different, but we cannot change people who do not want to change or force ourselves in other people’s lives that do not want us there.  It hurts my heart to not be in your life, but I will respect the wishes of those around you and keep my distance, but I hope you will know that I love you and only wish the best in your life.  My dear little one may you live a long and happy life full of joy, creativity, and riches that only come from a life well lived. 

The day of love – Valentine’s Day. This would be the day that millions of dollars will be spent on flowers, candies (hopefully the recipient isn’t a diabetic) and other assorted wonderments to show love to the intended object of their affection. I didn’t say person, as I was watching the show Strange Addiction the other night and a guy was having a sexual/loving relationship with his car, don’t ask how that was accomplished, so not everyone’s love is of the human species. So, back to the subject at hand – today is the day that men are made to feel guilty if they forget or do not look like they have spent enough on their sweetie. It really is to me a day that florist and candy companies got together and decided one day a year they are going to make a day where they are going to pay all their bills for the year and that will be Valentine’s Day. I know, that is not what happened, but I am sure that is why the day is promoted the way it is. Every commercial break for the past few weeks has been jewelry stores, online stuffed animals/candies/flowers, and other companies promoting how you need to buy a gift from them for your loved one or you are a terrible person who does not know how to show love or affection for your sweetie.

I remember when I used to work outside of the home and every Valentine’s Day it was like whose significant other could have the biggest gift delivered to the office. If your sweetie didn’t have something delivered then they must not love you much – what a crock. I personally would rather go out to eat then get flowers, not that I don’t like flowers, but at least I get to eat something I like and not watch it droop over the next couple of days. I think a plant is good, because you can normally keep it alive for a while, unless you forget to water it.

I just think that Valentine’s Day is one of those days that causes as much hurt and depression as it does love and affection. If you are one of the unlucky people who are not in a relationship or just recently been dumped or some other situation of the like, Valentine’s is just going to push you deeper into depression. Then you have the situation where your sweetie is unable to buy something for your and then they feel bad because they were not able to live up to the standards of the day, which is just dumb. I personally have no plans other than maybe going to Taco Cabana and getting the two can eat for $9.99 deal and leaving it at that. Till next time…

I must admit that before the Twilight Saga I had not read a work of fiction in a long time.  I normally listened to self-help CDs and read nonfiction books on business, hobbies, and other subjects that interested me at the time.  I then by accident ended up seeing Twilight and have been hooked ever since.  After listening to several friends about how I needed to read the books I went to my local library and found Eclipse and Breaking Dawn on CD and caught up with the movies.  By this time I had already seen New Moon, so wanted to know what was going to happen next.  Of course I was riveted through all the many, many CDs, as these are really long books, but it was worth it, as the story took the path I would have gone down.  I guess what I find interesting is while sitting in the theater watching Eclipse yesterday I noticed everything from young girls to people older than me (I am 48).  I have also watched TV, visited internet media sites, and just listened to people while out and about and it is remarkable the diversity of people that have been brought together by the Twilight saga.  I personally feel the draw is the pure romance that exudes from the story.  You have Edward, who is from the period of time where boys courted girls, you were chaperoned, and you wooed the girl, not like today where the first thing a guy normally tries to do is figure out how quick he can get her to bed.  The early 1900s really wasn’t that long ago, but my how life has changed in just that past few decades.  You also have the classic love triangle, albeit you are off in fantasy land with a triangle involving a shape shifter, vampire and human, but even if you did not have that in play, you still have young love, desire and romance that I think most people (well most women) really do look for in their lives.  The man that will woo her and that love that will stand the test of time.  Knowing deep down in your heart that you are with the right one and no matter the battle, hardship and problems, you will do your best to keep the relationship together and move forward in life.  I personally enjoy the series, the romance, even with the teenage awkwardness of Bella, but really the story would not work if you didn’t have that element, as a strong independent teenager probably would never ended up in a relationship like this one.

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