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I see it has been a while since my last post.  I do mean well though.  I think about posting, as there isn’t a day that goes by that there isn’t something to write about.  I mean the presidential election this year is going to be very interesting. Currently, I know who I’m not voting for, but have no idea who I am going to vote for.  I am looking strongly at the Libertarian candidate, as I consider myself an independent.  I vote for the person and the type of job I feel they will do, not what party they are.  The problem is that there really isn’t much difference between the Republicans and the Democrats to a point.  They say different things, but when it comes time to take action, you normally end up with the same thing.   Lies, broken promises, and wondering what has happened to our great country, the USA.  No matter how bad things look over here though, you would be hard pressed to find a country that is better to live in.  We still have freedom of speech, freedom to worship or not worship as we please, decide who to marry and how many children we want, and a whole host of other freedoms.  There are certain countries where if you said one bad word against the president or leader you would be killed or thrown in a locked cell never to be seen again.  If you were in their country illegally you sure wouldn’t be able to protest on the streets talking about what rights you should have.  First off, you probably wouldn’t want anyone to know you are there illegally and the minute they find out you of course will be either deported, jailed, or killed in the streets.   But, that wasn’t where I was going with this post…

You could also talk about the police shootings, racial tensions, all the acts of violence that are happening not only here but around the world, but that isn’t what I want to talk about.  I guess what is really bugging me right now is Facebook and social media.  I guess social media in general just has me baffled.  The other day I was told I was too dumb for words by a person I barely knew.  Don’t even think she was one of my friends, but I blocked her anyway.  All I had done was post a meme about gun control, which she took completely out of context and there you go.

I then had a Pastor who I have known for years up and block me because I didn’t agree with his politics.  First of all, why is a pastor telling me how to vote?  Not suggesting or saying the pros and cons of the situation, but that we have to have Hillary as president, Obama was the best president we have every had and Michelle Obama was a better first lady than even Jackie Kennedy… That last part really upset me.  But, what we got the most crossways over was how he felt like he could post all types of memes about how all white people are racist, we hate Obama because he is black, and other let’s hate all whites sort of items.  If you haven’t guessed it yet, he is a black pastor, of whom I was part of his church for a long time.  I told him first off I don’t hate Obama, I just don’t like his politics and what he has done for America.  I also try very hard to not see color, but after having all this race rhetoric thrown at me, it makes it very hard not to.  I guess when he posted for all to see that my husband had become loony and needed to get back on his meds just because he didn’t agree with the pastor, I finally had to tell him like it was.  Of course, we are both now blocked from his page, which is probably best.

The problem with social media is that for some reason people will say anything they want to you and about you because you are not face to face.  They can hide behind their computer screen, say anything they want, and then when things get too heated they can either block you, erase the posts, or just sign off.  I couldn’t imagine being a young person now, as I remember getting bullied and made fun of in school, but once you got home you could forget about it.  They didn’t have an easy way to communicate with you, and that was that.  Today, you can’t get away from them.  The bullies find you on social media and then harass you.  If you block them they will make a different screen name, get you to become friends, and then turn on you that way.  Someone can take a picture of you in a compromising situation and then blast it to everyone through texts or messenger.  It is just mind blowing.  I have told several people that if it wasn’t for wanting to keep up with my kids and friends, I would just close my Facebook account, but then I would lose out on my ability to communicate with them, and that would mean the bullies would win, and that is not an option.  I have come to the point where I try to post only cute and funny things so I don’t have to worry about the backlash… You know, pick your battles sort of thing.

But all that aside, my main focus right now is to finally start focusing on writing fiction.  I know I have been talking about this for a while, at least 3 years, but this year I turn a speed limit on August 1, you know the speed no one can drive?  55….  So, it is time to either start writing or move on to something else… Is there something in your life you have wanted to do, but just haven’t started or gave up on it?  Maybe it is time you take inventory of what you really want to do in this life before it is too late… As life does seem to go faster the older you get and before you know it you’re at the end…. Till next time….

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Well, I must admit I had no idea it had been so long since my last post.  I knew I needed to write new posts, but the last few months I must admit I have been battling my depression.  Every time I went to write I just couldn’t figure out what to say, so just didn’t say a thing.  It isn’t like there hasn’t been a lot of news items that upset me enough to tell my opinion on it, but when it came time to discuss the issue I just couldn’t get the words to form, so finally here we are, three months later and I am finally able to form a thought and put it on paper.  I’m not really sure what started this bout of depression; I think it became a situation where there were so many things that came up that finally it was just too much.  I do know that every year around my birthday I have issues, especially the older I get.  It seems like the older you get, the faster time flies, to the point that every birthday hits and you realize what you have not accomplished, and you have less and less time to get it done.  When you are in your 20s or 30s you can have an epiphany and decide you want to try a new career.  If it doesn’t work out, you are still young enough to start over again at least once or twice, but once you hit your 50s, you don’t really have the time keep starting over.  What really sucks is when you find yourself in a dying profession and you know you need to make a change, but you really need to think hard about what you are going to do.  More than likely if you go into a techie type profession you might end up working for someone who is younger than your own kids, which if you are like me, the first time they smart mouthed you or got snippy you would end up in jail for smacking them, which isn’t a good thing.

The other thing you have to look at is do you really want to go back to school?  Do you want to take the 3 or 4 years to get the degree and then start at bottom of the profession and work yourself up the ladder to where you finally make a good living?  If mean if you are early 50s, by the time you finish school, get in to a job, and then work through the levels of management and such, you are probably going to be in your early 60s and getting toward retirement age, if that is even an option.  I am not saying that once you get a certain age you are unable to be a productive employee, it is more of do you really want to be?  Do you really want to be the newbie at an age where you should be in management or running your own company?  I know that after working from home for 15 years the thought of going back into an office and dealing with all the politics that are normally involved, I am afraid I would hurt someone or tell them to take the job and shove it.  I used to be a wonderful employee.  I was quiet, did what I was told, and always finished what I started.  I was the one you stuck in a back office, gave a pile of work, told me what to do, and then you forgot about me, literally.  I wasn’t the one who was always up and about getting involved in gossip or such, so when it came time to go to lunch or celebrations or whatever, I ended up being left at the office wondering where everyone went.  I just put up with that and wouldn’t say anything.  I am now 20 years older and have come to the point in my life I don’t put up with a lot of crap.  I figure at this point in my life I shouldn’t have to, but then that kind of kills my ability to put up with office politics and not say anything about it.  At least I know this about myself, so it makes a difference when I start looking for an exit plan out of my current job.

The other problem with going out into the workforce again is my evil friend “depression.”  I never know when it is going to hit and hit hard.  When I get to that point I become very unproductive, sit and stare at the computer, and become someone you probably do not want to spend time with.  This isn’t conducive to fostering a good employee/employer relationship, as they like people who do their work, are someone personable, and don’t start crying because you look at them cross-eyed.  Well, I haven’t had that problem in a while as my meds help with that issue.  I know there are a lot of people who have been put on antidepressants who probably just needed to get a hobby, start exercising, or get negative people out of their lives, but there are many others who without medication wouldn’t be able to function in this world and apparently I am one of them.  There are some side effects from the medication I am not thrilled with.  I am not able to feel emotions like I used to, but sometimes that is a good thing, especially when you don’t want to cry at the drop of a hat, but sometimes you feel like you should be able to cry over something but the tears do not come.  But, I am sure those around me prefer the medicated me compared to what I used to be like.  I’m not saying I am always easy to get along with, as I do find myself getting more aggravated in situations that didn’t used to bother me, my patience leaves quickly, and going to the grocery store can become an experiment in whether I am going to get snippy with people or stay calm until I get to the car.  It can get a bit scary at times…

I’m not really sure what the point of this post is, other than for those who suffer from depression, I get it.  I know what it feels like to stare at your computer knowing you need to be working, but you can’t even get your fingers to move on the keyboard.  When a simple shopping trip turns into you trying as hard as you can to not run over someone with your shopping cart and chunk food at them, especially when the lady behind you has hit you three times with her cart because she can’t see we have a traffic jam in the aisle that isn’t clearing anytime soon.  I think you get the point.  I am to the point in my life that I have to figure out my exit plan from my current career while I still have the ability to make the change.  I must say my plan is to start writing posts on my current quest to lose weight and finally learning how to write fiction.  Till next time….

psycho-520x215Okay, I couldn’t talk about being afraid of the shower without referencing the famous shower scene in Psycho. I know that there are people who are still afraid to take showers because of that movie, but it isn’t the reason I am terrified of showers. On April 8, it will be my fourth anniversary of my left knee replacement. I admit I have had problems with my replacement. I am still stuck between 5 and 10 degrees of my leg being straight, but I can live with that. I can now tell you when weather fronts are coming through, as my knee gets stiff. But, when someone asks if I would do it again I would have to say yes. I went from having to wear thigh-high compression stocking on my left leg, then a big brace, and use a cane to get around. I never knew when it would go out and I would be on the floor. I don’t have those problems anymore. So, things aren’t perfect, but they are much better.

So, back to the reason for the blog… Showers terrify me because I am afraid of falling. I used to love to take showers. That was my “me” time. I could get in and out with no problems. Sometimes it was fun to take a shower if you know what I mean, but now I am afraid from the moment I put my first foot in until I take the last step out. I have the no skid rubber mat on the shower floor. I have the handicap bars, but we have one of those combination shower/tubs that you have to step up and over the side to get in. It is also an older tub, so it is funny shaped and even with the mat there are still areas that slip. I mean a part of me knows that it is okay, I am not going to fall, but now I am not sure what my replaced knee will do if I fall. I know what it did before. I fell, it popped out, I popped it back in, and then I limped for a few days. Now, I have metal, screws, etc., so if I fall will it rip out? I mean I don’t want to find out, but that sits in the back of your mind. I have really thought about taking the second bathroom that has an old metal tub we can’t use and ripping it out and making a true step in shower. One of those where you only have the slight lip where the water doesn’t pour out into the rest of the bathroom and down the hall, but it is very easy to get in and out. The thing is that takes money and of course with getting laid off on New Year’s Eve 2014 and just getting a new job last month, it will be a bit before that is an option.

I do find I feel better if I have a place to sit in the shower. I can then do all I need to do in the shower and not worry about my feet going out from under me, but you still have to get in and out. It makes you wonder how little old men and ladies even attempt to take a shower when they have a setup like I have. I guess that is why they have home health come in, have to go to assisted living, or have to live with a younger loved one. I guess at some point in your life you know you are going to get to the age where certain things are not going to be easy to do, but you really don’t think about that when you are in your early 50s or younger. I guess when you realize you really are getting older it sucks… I mean when we were in our 20s and 30s we could get by with 2 hours of sleep, take a fall and get right back up, pickup stuff and not worry about your back and now just the thought of falling you wonder if you will break a hip… oh well… Till next time.

Here we are another Christmas. For some reason it absolutely does not feel like that time of the year. I guess I didn’t believe people when they said the older you get the faster time flies, and I guess I am to that age. The year 2013 has come and gone and I really at this point have no idea where it went. I mean I remember several firsts this year. I hooked my first rug and my second rug placed third in the Texas State Fair. We went on our first cruise. I finally am paid hourly instead of being a production typist. I am still an independent contractor, but do not have to worry any longer about making quotas and my wrists hurting. I mean 2013 wasn’t the greatest year for us, but it definitely was better than the year before, and I know that 2014 is going to be even better. Like the guy at Jack in the Box I ordered my breakfast from the other day said, “Every day you wake up breathing is a good day.” I must admit the day he told me that I told him he was nuts, but then the more I think about it he was right.

I guess the point I am trying to make here is now that Christmas is here we only have a week until the new year. It is time to sit down and make goals for the upcoming year. I do not mean resolutions, as those are just statements of what you would like to happen in 2014. You need to sit down and make a plan of what you want to accomplish next year. Just saying you want to lose weight or get in shape or make so much money are not goals. Goals are tangible things you can follow. If set up properly you have set an exact time line of what you plan to accomplish, how many days it will take, and you know where you want to end up. Of course these need to be obtainable goals. I mean we all know that losing 50 pounds in month is not a goal that is smart or accomplished in a healthy manner. Now saying you plan to lose 30 pounds in five months by changing your diet, working out so many times per week, and keeping a journal every step of the way means that you are setting yourself to truly accomplish your goal, not setting yourself up to fail.

The best thing I found to bring 2013 to a close and preparing for 2014 is the Leonie Dawson 2014 CREATE YOUR AMAZING YEAR WORKBO3D-Combo-PackOK, PLANNER + CALENDAR:LIFE AND BUSINESS EDITIONS at http://tinyurl.com/mmtu5rd or click image. There is a life and a business edition. I am slowly going through my life edition and it has really helped me to see what I am really wanting to do in 2014. It is interesting the things you learn about yourself when you start working on the exercises in this workbook. I do not normally push anything on this blog as far selling something, but this workbook actually is working for me and that says a lot. I am the person who has no idea how to set goals or even figure out what I want to do, but I feel like 2014 is definitely going to be different. I have both editions, as I am wanting to expand my business, but also accomplish certain milestones in my life, as I sure am not getting any younger. I do wish a profitable and prosperous 2014 to all my readers. Till next time…

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