You are currently browsing the monthly archive for May 2013.

It is now two years and counting, well two Mother’s Days and counting since my youngest disowned me, quit talking to me, decided that I was not someone he felt like spending time with any more.  It will be a true two years in June and I still don’t have a clue of what I did that was so bad to constitute being shut out like this.  I am sure some people are wondering why I even post this type of thing in my blog.  I guess I am an open book, what you see is what you get.  I know that there are many parents out there whose kids have not spoken to them in years and feel like they are all alone, but they aren’t.  If you are going through something it is very likely someone you know is going through the exact same thing, but no one talks about this sort of thing so you go through life never knowing.  If you had known the two of you could have given support to each other, as it takes someone who has been through what you have to really understand how you feel.  They won’t know exactly, but they have experience with the situation and have a clue.  Plus the fact is the main people who read this blog are people who know me, so we are all friends here…

I guess what still baffles me is what I did so bad that he would just quit talking to me completely.  I mean I never locked him in a closet, starved him, beat the crap out of him, locked him out of the house in the rain, or any number of other terrible things I could have done that other people have experienced.  I will admit the old adage that the squeaky wheel gets the oil and the quiet one just has to go on was true when he was growing up.  The world was exploding around me and it was all I could do to put out the fires and if he felt ignored I truly am sorry about that.  You know most parents do the best they can with what they have been given.  When I tried to explain to him why he just didn’t get the same attention and explained the situations I was accused of feeling sorry for myself.  I was far from doing that, if you quit thinking about you, you, you and put yourself in my shoes you would see I was far from feeling sorry for myself, I was just trying to keep the family together through issues that no family should have to go through.  I mean my husband, his dad, had a massive stroke at the age of 36 back in 1996 and has been disabled ever since.  I then became the breadwinner of the family without the skills to be able to keep us going the way we were.  Then your siblings decided to go hog-wild and things just went downhill from there.

I guess what bothers me the most is I understand your point of view.  I know that what happened has caused issues with you going down the path you wanted to with your new wife, but let’s get real was it worth never talking to me again and alienating this entire side of the family?  I mean really is your credit rating worth the pain you have caused me?  I know that isn’t the main reason for the split, but it played a huge part in it, which the situation was a 50/50 thing, so you need to take the blame for your part of it.

Okay, I wasn’t going to get ugly about this, just air my feelings and let others know that they aren’t alone, but I have gotten past the part of this situation hurting me, causing me to have  breakdowns, and generally hurting deep in my soul.  I am now mad, upset, angry with the whole thing, because I just don’t see why you would shut me out of your life like that.  I was the best mother I could be to you and I mean so little to you that for two years you haven’t even sent me a text, email or called.  I am the one who stuck up for you when you needed it, made sure we figured out how to get you what you wanted including your trip to Europe after graduation and got hit with the heat from relatives over it, but I wanted to make sure you had a wonderful life, because that is what mothers are supposed to do.  I’m tired of sending you emails and texts and messages on your important days like your wedding anniversaries, your birthday, holidays, whatever with no acknowledgement, so guess what… It is your turn to make an effort.  You know where I am.  I have been at the same address for eight years and have had the same phone number for over ten years.  The ball is in your court….

I do have to say that my other two kids not only remembered me on Mother’s Day, they gave me a gift certificate for my favorite restaurant… Red Lobster…and they called and made sure I knew they cared…so I must not have been that bad of a mother after all….till next time….

Advertisements

For the last ten years I have been working a modified second/third shift working basically a 6 p.m. to 2 a.m. on Tuesday through Saturday, plus I normally had a second job, so didn’t have a day off and just worked strange hours.  After doing this for so long I basically have insomnia and am not sleepy until at least two in the morning.  This is okay when you don’t have anything you need to do first thing in the morning, but if you have an early appointment there is always that worry that you will sleep through the alarm and miss it.  Well, last week I was offered a new position doing quality assurance rather than production typing.  I am a medical transcriptionist who has been working production for years.  The more I type the more I make, but in the past couple of years it has become the less I type the less I make, as I was becoming very burned out, my hands were really starting to hurt, but really had no idea how to make a living if I just up and quit being an MT.  The company I work for asked for people who wanted to move into QA and I said yes.  I had enough experience I was offered the job.  I am now hourly, but still an independent contractor, but I now mostly listen to dictation and check the typing of other transcriptionists.  My typing is cut in half and my hands are so much happier.  The problem is I am working a normal 8 to 5 job now, Monday through Friday, and I am having a terrible time getting used to this schedule.  I find myself sitting in bed realizing it is almost midnight and I need to get to bed if I am going to get up in time for work, but I am not sleepy.  I make myself lie in bed and go to sleep, which there are some nights when I get to look at the ceiling until 2 a.m. and other nights I actually fall right to sleep.  I don’t want to go on a sleeping pill, as I hate taking pills that you can become addicted to.  I am also hoping that after a few weeks of this schedule my body will get used to needing to go to bed earlier as I am getting up earlier and then I don’t have insomnia seven nights a week.

I am just glad that I do not have to work a true third shift as I don’t know how the people who do get any sleep at all.  Our bodies like routine, they like to sleep when it is dark and be awake when it is light.  We have been doing this for years and now there are some of us who have to work weird schedules and our bodies just feel the need to rebel or they get used to it and when you try to get back into a normal routine it gets upset and you end up with insomnia, daytime sleepiness which makes you think you have narcolepsy and a number of other issues.  I guess my body now has to realize it needs to go back to a normal schedule, and I need to get used to working normal hours, which is very strange.  I mean I rather liked going to Wal-Mart at two in the morning, as you don’t have people trying to run over you with their carts.  The thing is I was surprised how many people have their little kids at Wal-Mart that late at night, as I never kept my kids up past 10 p.m. on a school night, let alone shopping in the middle of the night.  Kind of strange if you ask me.

Well, I guess most humans don’t like change, but in this life you have to learn to adapt to the situation you are in, so it is time I get used to my new situation and make the best of it.  I might even enjoy working hours like a normal person and actually get into a routine where I’m not eating dinner at midnight and breakfast at 10 a.m.  LOL… till next time.

A couple of months ago I wrote a book called, “Run From Church.”  I tried promoting it and just could not get anyone tchurchesthathurtcovero read it.  I started asking people just from the name what did they think the book was about.  Everyone said they thought it was about leaving church and never coming back, or not going to church, or several other scenarios that dealt with why they shouldn’t go to church.  The problem is that was completely opposite of what the book was about, but the title was scaring or turning them off and they would not read it.  I then made the hard decision to take the book down, change the name, and then start over again.  I tried several names, asked opinions of others, and finally came up with the name, “Churches That Hurt…How to Avoid Them.”

Since I made this change I am actually seeing sales.  I have also had several emails from people who read the book thanking me for addressing the subject of spiritual abuse.  The thing is that was why I wrote the book to begin with.  I was hurt very badly by churches, well some would argue the people in the church, as the church itself is a building and buildings can’t hurt you unless they structurally fall down upon you or such.  My point was that there are so many pastors, church members, whatever that think they are doing things in the name of God, but what they are really doing is following their own agendas.  They are twisting God’s word to fit their situation or what they believe, and then using these words to hurt others.  I felt like I needed to get the word out on how to tell if you are in a toxic church, environment, or with people who make you think they like you, but are really manipulating you for their own needs or agenda.

I didn’t realize just how important the title of a book was until I tried to promote this book.  A large number of people look at the title and cover and then decide whether to buy or not.  In the description you explain exactly what the book is about, but the potential reader never got that far because they saw the title and clicked off somewhere else.  I remember that old adage that you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but that apparently is what a lot of people do.

I know now to really think about how I want to present my books, how I need to title them, and make sure the cover really relates to the content inside as it makes a difference.  I guess this also relates to life in that how many times do you drive by a restaurant or other type of establishment and because of the outside you don’t stop?  How many times have you looked at a person and made a snap judgment as to what type of person they are and decide right then whether or not you are going to talk to them just by the clothes they are wearing?  Makes you think.  Till next time…

%d bloggers like this: