I’m still here…….

I think…LOL. Well, we are now into December and this has been a bad, bad, year, but it is getting better. I really believe 2012 is going to be a year of productivity, prosperity and joy. Not sure why, but after having at least 3 bad years in a row with 2011 being the worst, 2012 has got to be good, plus I like even numbers. Kind of like Kelly Clarkson’s new song, What Doesn’t Kill You, which basically says what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, well I have to agree with that.

So, have you ever wondered what happens to a Pyrex dish when it falls out of a top cabinet and hits the cement floor? Well, it splinters into little glass shards that end up in two different rooms, the dog bowl, and every where else glass can fly to. I have a cabinet over my double ovens that I keep all my baking pans in and it really needs cleaned out, as it was an accident waiting to happen. Earlier today I needed my big pan to make ribs in and had two of my Pyrex pans sitting in the spot where the pan was. I barely turn around and next thing I know these two glass pans are sliding out of the cabinet and onto the floor. It sounded like a bomb was going off. It was unbelievable how loud those pans were when they exploded on the floor. Last time I saw a Pyrex blow up was when I ran cold water in a pan that had just come out of the oven. Not a smart thing to do, which I found out the hard way. By luck I have several Pyrex, so the loss of two isn’t going to causes too much of an issue. Like I said, this really has been a bad year. Till next time….

Update on my knee…woo hoo…

This week I get to go in and have a procedure called a manipulation under anesthesia, as my leg will not straighten. I used the passive motion machine for the first 3 weeks after surgery, went through 3 weeks of home physical therapy and then a month of outpatient physical therapy that was intensive and now 4 months after the original surgery I am stuck at 20 degrees of extension, which makes it really difficult to stand. Have you ever tried to stand with one leg bent at a stupid angle and the other straight? Believe me, it doesn’t work. I told the doctor that I am going to have to a hip replacement if they don’t do something, as I am having more trouble with the left hip than the knee. Such fun. What is going to be really fun is the physical therapy after the procedure. The day following the procedure I go into intensive, 5 day a week PT, as we have a short window of opportunity to make sure the knee continues to straighten and bend before the scar tissue starts forming again. Apparently, I form scar tissue very fast and that is what is stopping the knee from straightening. I just hope this works, as it is going to be like I am starting all over again with my knee and I am not looking forward to that.

I had someone the other day ask if I would do this again and not sure if I would. I mean some things are better since surgery. Even though the knee does not straighten, I have more stability with the knee than I have had in years. I do not have the grinding, pinching, horrible pain I used to have when I walked. I am not scared to walk through the house as I used to be, as I never knew when my knee would give out and I would be on the floor. My problem is the issue with straightening and the length of healing time, as I have lost more work that planned and the pain has been intense. I guess there are some people who have no issues with this surgery. They are off a walker in 2 weeks, on a cane for a couple of weeks and then off they go with minimal pain and issues, but then there are others of us that have issues and wonder if they made the right decision. Will be sure to post updates on how the procedure works out. Till next time.

Wal-mart needs more electric scooters…

Well, today I figured out that you can use a shopping cart like a walker if you have to. I had to go today and get groceries, since it has been weeks since I had gone and the cabinets were getting pretty pitiful. I figured that Wal-mart would have an electric scooter, as they normally have several at the door. Of course, today they had none. One of the employees informed me that the three at the door were broken and that they had two stolen and the only working one an old lady was using, so I wasn’t going to go knock her out of it so I could use it.

This then left me with either leaving and not getting groceries or figuring out how to make this work. After folding up my walker and putting it in the cart I figured that I could hold onto the top of the sides and it would give me better control of the cart and thus make it possible for me to get through the store. It actually worked pretty well except for people stopping in the middle of the aisle in front of me and then looking at me like what was my problem. I mean really, here I am hunched over this cart, sweating like a pig with a walker sticking out of my cart, what do you think my problem might be? Really, I think you are smart enough to figure it out, but maybe not.

With that said, I actually got all my groceries, gave my knee a good workout, and got to the car without too much hassle. I was rather proud of myself. I admit a couple of weeks ago this never would have worked, but I can tell the knee is getting stronger, but now I still have to work on it getting more mobility in it, as we are stuck at 15 and 80 degrees, which is nowhere near what it should be by now. I guess I get to have therapy with the outpatient physical terrorists, oh I mean therapists. Believe me, I am not looking forward to that, but I do want to transition to a cane before I turn 50 in August. LOL. Till next time…

Me versus the electric scooter…it won…

Okay, I admit it, I was beaten by an electric scooter. Such shame. Since my hubbie has been in the hospital since Tuesday we came to the realization that I could not walk from the parking garage, through all the different buildings to get to his room and see him. I just am not up to that much walking yet. By luck my hubbie has an electric scooter he got about seven years ago because of his mobility issues from a massive stroke in 1996. He is to where he normally only uses it when he has to do quite a bit of walking now.

We decided that I would have to use it if I was going to be able to make it around the hospital. The problem with this is the chair really does scare me. Not so much the riding around in it, but the loading and unloading of this thing. It is a big scooter. When he got it he was over 400 pounds and they gave him this big chair with two batteries and the thing is extremely heavy. You do not want to be run over by this thing. The next problem is the way you have to get it in and out of the Jeep. We have these two foldable metal ramps that have a lip on the one end. You slip the lip between the bumper and the door trim lined up with the wheels of the chair. You have to either straddle the ramps or stand to either side of the ramps, which is a problem on the left side, as that is where the Jeep door is and my arms are not long enough to reach over the chair from the right.

Well, Wednesday morning I get myself to the hospital and it comes time to get biggie out of the Jeep. Here I am trying to get around with my walker, getting out these heavy ramps and lining them up, and then trying to get the chair lined up and down the ramp without running myself over or the chair falling off the ramps. It was probably very comical to watch, but I wasn’t laughing. I finally get into position and slowly get the chair lined up. It hops the bump and gets on the ramp. Okay, we are making progress I thought. I then have to walk to the other side of the ramps, which of  course is no easy thing. I think I am finally going to get this chair off the ramps and the thing stops. It decides it isn’t going anywhere. It has a short or something because there are times when the chair decides it is stupid and cannot remember to go. Well, this was one of those times and I was not in any shape to deal with it. I am standing there in pain trying to figure out what to do. I am not strong enough to push this chair off the ramps. I cannot leave the chair on the ramps with the back door of the Jeep wide open in a parking garage. I have no idea what to do. People are driving past me like crazy getting an eyeful, but does any one stop and ask to help, NO!!!.  I mean what happened to common courtesy? Doesn’t any one give a crap about their fellow man or woman anymore?  I mean I really do not think I look like a serial killer.

Here I am hanging onto my walker, in tears, trying to figure out how to kick this stupid chair without causing myself more issues, and people are looking at me like I am crazy. Well, maybe I was, but you could have asked if I needed help. Geez.  So, I proceed to take off the cover where the batteries are and start checking all the connectors. I then push the chair back and forth and hope for the best. I then hit the button and the chair got its brain back. YEA!! I finally get the chair off the ramps, pack the ramps back into the car and then go on my merry way.

Well, I have never really used this chair before. It has a joystick that controls its movement. The chair does not like me and I do not like the chair, so the first thing it does is run me into the elevator door. Ouch. The door opens again and I get into the elevator and the chair runs me into the back wall. Ouch again. The chair and I have issues all the way up to my husband’s room. I come close to running over people and had one elevator shut the door three times before I finally was able to get myself through the doors and out to the floor. I mean really now. I can say now that over the past three days I am able to steer the chair much better and am only running into an occasional wall, door or person, but I am doing much better.

So, back to that first day with me and the chair. It came time for me to go home. I figured getting the chair in the Jeep would be much easier than trying to get it out. Guess what, I was wrong. I get everything setup and line up the chair to back it up the ramps and into the Jeep. I think I am doing okay until it keeps trying to roll back down the ramps. I know I was pushing the joystick the correct way, but it kept going back down the ramps. I start yelling at the thing to stop it, which caused a bit of an audience to form, but any help?  Of course not. I mean two men, who looked like a father and son, walked by to get to their car and they were very able-bodied people, but did they ask to help?  NO!!  They just looked at me like I was crazy and went on about their business. Here I am sweating like a pig, yelling at a chair, and about ready to give up. Well, maybe that is why they walked on. I probably looked like a crazy person who forgot to take my pills or something, oh well. I finally get the chair in the Jeep and off I go ready to take a pain pill and go to bed.

The chair and I now have come to an understanding. I do not like it and it does not like me, but we now have respect for each other. I will try to not run it into things and it will not run over me. I think that is a good compromise. I am just ready for the hospital to let my hubbie out so I do not have to deal with this chair by myself any more. Till next time…

Okay, I feel a panic attack coming on…

Sorry I haven’t posted in a few days. Between doctor appointments, physical therapy getting more aggressive and trying to go back to work part-time I just haven’t felt like writing, but I am back now, so at least I warned you. Well, Tuesday afternoon my husband starting having one of his dizzy/weak/profuse sweating spells that we have been trying to figure out for months, but it was bad enough that I took him to the ER. The first problem with this is I am not supposed to be driving for at least another week and a half, but I knew I hadn’t taken a pain pill for several hours, so figured if I could get in the driver’s seat I would be fine. Well we get there and they not only check him in they decided to keep him. We are hoping he gets out Thursday afternoon, but not sure yet. They still can’t figure out what is going on. With all the walking and all I have blisters on both my palms from the walker, which I fixed that issue with a pair of gloves and new padding on my handles.

What I wasn’t prepared for was the panic attack that came on last night when I got home and realized I was by myself, had no one on speed dial to talk to as far as friends, and I was going to have to take care of myself and I can’t even get myself in and out of the shower without help. Wow, that was it, a full-blown panic attack came on and I had no idea what to do or who to call. I sure didn’t want to call my husband in the hospital, as he was feeling bad for not being able to take care of me, my dad is 900 miles away, so figured calling him would be a bit counterproductive, especially since I was a bit incoherent and crying uncontrollably. When I have a panic attack it is more of a hyperventilating, crying uncontrollably sort of thing. I ended up figuring out someone to call to talk me down and I got over it, but that is hard place to be in realizing you need help and you are on your own, even if it is for a night or a couple of days, things like that have a way of hitting you and even if you are normally a very logical, rational person emotions have a way of taking over and you just lose it.

I mean I have a lot of acquaintances, people we eat out with or such, but I honestly can say I do not have a true best friend that I can call at any time of the day or night and just talk. I know I am not the only person who can say that either. We seem to be a society that is so busy and a bit isolated, especially those of use who work from home, to where we just don’t meet people and have time to make a lasting friendship. I truly envy those people who have friends that they have had for years that are there no matter what, who they can call any time, a true best friend. I guess I never really had a true best friend, as we moved so much when I was young, then I got married young, had kids and then time to go out with the girls and such just never was there. For the last 11 years I have worked from home, so that really kills the ability to make work friends. Kind of a sad if you think about it. Oh well.

As far as the knee goes, It seems to have a mind of its own. Doctor is upset because I am stuck at 20 degrees extension and I need to be at 10 by now, so PT has been getting rather aggressive with therapy and now it is straightening a bit better, but now it doesn’t want to bend. It is like it either wants to do one or the other, but forget both. I really have to work on it though, as the doctor was telling me the options if my leg does not straighten and then scar tissues forms, which then means a second surgery where they go in and break up all the scar tissue and you basically start over again, which is not an option for me. I mean, this first surgery was bad enough, so have to start working on getting this knee to act right. Well, I have to go see if I can get myself in and out of the shower without any help, as I can’t wait any longer for a shower. Till next time….

Out came the staples…ouch!!

Sorry been away for a few days, as this past weekend was quite tiring for me. Friday was the rehearsal dinner for my youngest son’s wedding and was an hour from our house one way. We made it through that okay and then Saturday was the big day. The venue was another hour away, plus we had to be there by 3 p.m. for pics and stayed until 10:30 p.m., so I was quite tired by the time the night was over. The wedding was beautiful, reception was great, and am waiting for my photo album so I can see all the memories. I ended up spending all day Sunday in bed recovering from the festivities. Monday I then had to run errands and such, so by the time I got home the last thing on my mind was posting to my blog. So, today I had my staples out and figured it was time to catch up.

I have to say I am one of those who seems to heal a bit faster than scheduled, as the staples did not want to come out. I mean it really hurt, as there were 27 of them to pop out. I of course was in tears by the time she was done. She asked if I needed a breather, but told her we just need to get this done and keep going. I now have these long strips on my knee, which to me look goofy, but I guess that makes sure I don’t split the scar open, which would be gross and an issue I am not in the mood to deal with.

So, would I have the surgery again now that I am exactly 2 weeks out? Not sure yet. I am still having issues getting around, which the doctor said it would be months before I really feel good again, but even at this point I already find I have more stability than I have had in years. One thing I wish I had done before the surgery, which I would recommend to anyone looking at having this surgery is work on your upper body strength. I have very little strength in my arms and such and have found that when it comes to the point of needing to pull up or use the hand rails to help get myself up my arms are not much help, as there just isn’t the strength needed to pull. If I had it to do over again I would work on arm strengthening exercises so I would have more luck with pulling up and such. Just a suggestion, as I think I would have had more luck with certain things like getting off the toilet or getting in the shower if I had done that.

Well, physical therapy will be here in a  bit and I need to get ready for her. Guess I will take a Tylenol and prepare for the pain…LOL. Till next time…

Pain pills are my friends…maybe…

  Okay, I must admit in the hospital if it wasn’t for my wonderful green button I could push every 6 minutes I don’t think I could have handled the pain. It was great. I could watch it and the minute it lit up and was green I could push it and then nighty night.  Oh, the pain was gone.  Of course, they took that away after the first day and put me on IV morphine shots alternating with oral pills, which worked okay. I mean there were times where it felt like the staples were ripping out of the front of my knee, but there were some times in which I couldn’t care less what was going on.  I mean the IV morphine it was a trip, literally. I would sit there and I guess I was crossing the line between dream state and real life and wasn’t understanding which was which. I would talk to someone in my dream and then talk to my husband about what I was talking to the imaginary person about. Of course, he was confused as could be with no idea what I was doing. I would then go back to talking to imaginary dude and my husband would just look at me like I was nuts.  I also had the points where I would fall asleep in the middle of taking a drink of water and end up pouring the rest of the water on myself and waking up wondering why I was wet. I would also fall asleep in the middle of eating and drop the food on myself and other fun stuff like that. I also would talk to myself. I asked my roommate if I bothered her, and she said no, but she did say she would walk by and see me asleep with my arms straight up in the air wondering how I could sleep like that. What she didn’t know was I was having one of those falling dreams where you wake up with a jolt and wonder where you are and if you are okay. If you have seen the movie Inception, that is an easy explanation of the concept. I had a lot of those types of dreams while on morphine.

Now that I am home I am on hydrocodone with a mix of Tylenol, which is more Tylenol than any of the good stuff, so I am actually making sense now and not acting so goofy. I am also in a bit more pain, but these are easier to wean off of. I was watching a show the other night on “Hillbilly heroine” which is Oxycontin. An alarming amount of people are becoming addicted to prescription pain pills because it is supposedly cheap and easier to get than the other stuff. I guess I don’t understand, if the high they are talking about is the state I was in while in the hospital, I really don’t see how that was much fun. I don’t like talking to people who aren’t there, pouring water on myself and making absolutely no sense. Maybe it is a control issue or I just don’t like acting the fool, but if that is the high they are so thrilled about they can keep it.

I guess I have never been one to like anything that could cause me to lose control. I don’t drink, never used drugs and never smoked. Smoking really doesn’t count in this issue, but I just have not used any type of substance that would cause me to become addicted, well, other than food, but some would argue that you can’t be addicted to something you have to have to sustain your life. I am not sure about that, but that is for another post.

So, I guess my point is pain pills are a good thing when used as the doctor prescribes and when it comes time to wean off of them do it. I am using more Tylenol now than pain pills and hopefully within a couple of weeks will be only on Tylenol with an occasional pain pill at night, as becoming addicted to pain pills is a scary thought, but during recovery you have to take your pain pills or it will hinder your recovery. It was explained to me that if you are in so much pain you cannot do your exercises then you are not going to get better, so using pills as ordered will help you to get through your exercises and get to your goals. I guess like anything, use as directed and in moderation and go from there. Till next time…

Think we could hurry this up?? I mean really…

Okay, this has been a bad day. I saw the nurse first thing this morning and she was saying my knee was looking good, so yea. I get the staples out next Tuesday.  Gene and I then decide I have got to go to one bank and go in and cash a check and then go eat something and finish up by going through the drive through at my bank then I get to go home.  I end up getting out of the car and am able to get into the bank okay. At this point I am starting to sweat, but it is okay. I get in line and don’t have to wait too long, but then I get up to a teller who couldn’t have been any slower if she had been asked to be. I mean I am cashing a cashier’s check, what is the big deal. There I am with my walker, sweating like a pig starting to get really sick to my stomach and she decides she needs to talk to another teller.  I am contemplating whether to tell the woman if she doesn’t hurry up I am going to upchuck on her counter or just stand there and pass out. The other customers are looking at me like I have something contagious or something. She finally decides to give me the money, never asks how I am doing and  by that point I am just hoping to get to the car before I get sick. I made it okay and went on to Don Pablos to eat. They were great there, made sure the door was opened for me and sat me in an easy place to deal, so other than the fact I was too sick to eat, lunch was great.

So, I finally get myself home from my ventures and decide to strap my leg into my CPM machine (continuous passive motion) that I have to use 8 hours per day to keep my leg flexible and work on the flexion in my knee.  I am already in pain from earlier, this stupid CPM isn’t helping and then I get a call from my physical therapist that she can only see me today or Friday and no PT on Friday, as my son has his wedding Saturday with the rehearsal dinner Friday evening, so I agree.  OMG, that was a dumb thing to do. She decides to push me through my normal exercises and then added some really hard ones on top of it.  She was going to check how I was doing with my chair exercises, but when she checked my  blood pressure and it was a bit elevated she said I better sit and rest and not worry about it. I still had 6.5 hours left on the CPM machine, which I am currently doing. My knee is all ready hot to the touch, but that is from the inflammation, which is normal. I just wish I didn’t have 2 more hours until I can take my pain pills, but that is okay, as I can take a Tylenol.

I understand that I have to get up and moving, I need to go through physical therapy or the surgery would be for naught, but goodness, do they have to push it this hard. I guess so, or I will be one of those up at the ortho clinic after months of PT and still limping and can’t get around, which makes you wonder why a person would even go through this for there to be no change.  I mean, I really do not enjoy  being in pain.

Well, we are now 8 days from surgery and think I am actually doing pretty good, just wish I didn’t have so far to go. Till next time….

Here are pics of my CPM machine…

I don’t need no stinking help…yea right…

Today we continue on my journey after knee replacement surgery.  I am learning the lesson that I am not “super woman” and I can’t do it all.  Okay, I admit it, I like to be in control. I am very independent and normally hate to ask for help. I am one of those types that it is faster for me to do it than to explain it so get out of my way and leave me be. I am not rude about it, I just find it easier and it is part of that staying control thing I have. So, my first morning home I am sitting in the bathroom and decide I am going to take a shower. I haven’t washed my hair in a week and I am taking care of the situation.  I did call my hubbie on my cell, but his phone was off, and then I tried calling my daughter’s phone, but she wasn’t answering. I then tried opening the bathroom door and yelling for some help, but no answer, as everyone was still asleep.  I am like okay, I can do this, I am going to get in this shower and sit on my shower chair and things will be great. Boy, was I wrong.

I use my walker and get over to the shower and look into the shower and think about how I am going to work this out. I try lifting the bad leg, but no, tried putting full weight on the bad leg, ouch, tried pulling out the shower chair and putting my legs in the shower, yea right. So I finally decided to sit on the chair outside the shower, put towels around it, and just take a sponge bath and put my head under the running water so I could at least wash my hair. I am sitting there worn out, making a mess in the bathroom and crying and in walks hubbie asking what the heck I was doing. After explaining the situation we get my cleaned up, dressed and back to the bedroom where I decide to take a nap.

Okay, what did I learn from this fun?  Well, it is okay to ask for help. I am not invincible and there comes a time in life where it is okay to allow others to help you. It is also okay to use a makeshift bedside commode instead of stumbling all the way to the bathroom and then having an accident, and it is also okay to stop and ask someone to help you no matter what it is you need help with. There comes a point in all our lives that we have to set aside our pride or whatever you want to call it and say I need help and it is alright to ask for it. I must say my hubbie has really stepped up to the challenge and has been helping all he can even though his is physically disabled from his stroke several years ago. At times it is kind of the blind leading the blind, but we are making it work and that is all that matters. I do have to admit I am still dealing with trying to be open to help from others daily, but it is getting a bit easier. Till next time….

My journey to recovery from knee replacement surgery…

Hello all,

It has been a long while since my last post, as I haven’t had much to talk about, but decided I now have something to share that might just help others out there. Last week on April 12, 2011, I had a total left knee replacement. Yes, I am considered a bit young at 49 and have been fighting with my doctors for almost 2 years and finally last week they agreed it was time for surgery.  Kind of nice to know that when the doctor came out to talk to my husband after surgery he told him my knee was more of a mess than they had thought, which was what I had tried to tell them. I came home last Friday and decided I ought to blog about my experience and the road from pain to recovery, as I am sure you know someone or maybe even you have had a knee replacement or are scheduled for one. Believe me, I so far have had some very interesting experiences and should be able to make you laugh at what I didn’t find funny at the time,  but now would probably have laughed also.  So, here is to beginning our journey and here is a picture of my knee 4 days after surgery, sorry if it grosses you out, as I figure if I get to look at it on a daily basis so you can handle a quick glance…LOL.  Till next time…